Fathers Day is often regarded as a time to buy cards, whiskey, cigars for our father. But many homes these days are single parent families with an absent father seen only occasionally or at pre-determined times. Many homes have step-fathers. Significant male role model is a role that can be shared by several important men in our experience.

Celebrating what Fathers Day means to us can be a complex notion. Many of us have an ideal of what the perfect father represents. He may be strong, fair, kind and supportive. Children look to their father to provide the archetypical qualities that are expected of a good father. He defines and outlines their future male role models.

If the father falls short in his children's eyes or any of those ideals are not met, the child may become defensive and shut off his emotions as a way to avoid further disappointment. Some children may become rebellious in a bid to ensure that they get attention, any attention being deemed better than none.

Let's look at some of the important qualities for a father to have:

Physical strength is a quality that many children expect to see in their father. The notion that 'my father is stronger than yours' goes back to the primitive, protective father who can keep his family safe from harm. Children feel proud when their father is strong and physically fit. It provides a sense of reassurance.

Moral strength is important too. Many children look to their father to be clear in his values, to be able to give guidance and have a sense of right and wrong. Being to admire and respect their father for these qualities is important. And that reinforces the relevance of taking those values on board for themselves.

He is happy to be in touch with his feelings. Many men are becoming more comfortable about expressing how they feel. The days of the strong, silent type are thankfully less prevalent as many men are happy to demonstrate love and affection, are prepared to hug and show their feelings. Communicating and talking about feelings, problems and difficulties is becoming more the norm with men.

He respects family values. Children like to see that their father wants and enjoys spending time with the family. Children are especially sensitive to rejection and feeling a burden or a duty can be very damaging to a child. They also absorb how he treats their mother and other family members. Respect and consideration are learned from positive experiences at these times.

Respect for others is witnessed when children are with their father in non-domestic situations. How he behaves towards other road users, staff in restaurants and shops, how he talks about and treats people is quickly witnessed and absorbed by children. They learn to reflect that attitude in their daily lives. Good manners and consideration are an important part of interacting well with others and of building positive successful relationships.

A good work ethic is an important lesson to be learned from a responsible father. Taking studying seriously, valuing opportunities in life that come their way, treating an employer with respect are all part of a conscientious work ethic. Having a strong code of fair play and integrity, valuing the importance of doing a good job and gaining satisfaction from their role in life all engender a good solid base from which to live a positive life.

Whether or not our father is still with us, his legacy can live on, demonstrated in the quality of life of his children and grandchildren. Fathers Day is an opportunity to reflect and give thanks for the lessons and values that our father has taught us. We can also give thanks for the things that we perhaps choose to do differently. They are valuable lessons too.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with
- stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief,
- couples in crisis to help improve communications and understanding
- with business clients to help support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams

For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net